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1. When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…
2. Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don’t have one, it’s probably you.
3. We all have that one skinny friend that eats more than fat person.
4. I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice.
5. I think my iPhone is not working. I pressed the home button and I’m still at school.
6. Life is short… smile while you still have teeth.
7. If you can’t Change a Girl…..Change the Girl.
8. That awkward moment when you realize that “deleting History” is more important than “creating History” nowadays.
9. Women should not have children after 20. Really… 20 children are enough.
10. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
11. Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one ass hole at a time.
12. God is really creative, I mean…just look at me 😛
13. AwesoME ends with ME and Ugly starts with U.
14. Just saw the most smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.
15. I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
16. We live in the era of smartphones and stupid peoples.
17. Facebook account for sale, Friends included.
18. Google just called… Google said, “Someone is looking for you”.
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19. Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?
20. The winner of the rat race is still a rat.
21. If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.
22. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
23. We are all part of the ultimate statistic – ten out of ten die.
24. I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?
25. There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
26. I’m in shape. Round is a shape isn’t it?
27. Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
28. There are no winners in life… only survivors.
29. Don’t steal. That’s the government’s job.
30. I have all the money I’ll ever need – if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.
31. I don’t have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.
32. Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
33. By the time you learn the rules of life, you’re too old to play the game.
34. Our generation doesn’t knock on doors. We will call or text to let you know we’re outside.
35. After (M)onday and (T)uesday even the week says WTF !!
36. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
37. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
38. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
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39. I may be fat, but you’re ugly – I can lose weight!
40. We buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t know.
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41. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
42. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
43. Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
44. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
45. The real reason women live longer than men because they don’t have to live with women.
46. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
47. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
48. By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
49. No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with weapons.
50. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
51. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
52. Some people should just give up at engineering or medical. Like I have!
53. We live in the era of smartphones and stupid peoples.
54. Doing nothing is very hard thing to do…you never know when to finish.
55. I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
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56. AwesoME ends with ME and Ugly starts with U.
57. Just saw the most smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.
58. God is really creative, I mean…just look at me 😛
59. My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours
60. I’m not lazy, I’m just on my energy saving mode.
61. Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one ass hole at a time.
62. I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That’s the sperm that won.
63. God made everything that has life, rest everything is made in China.
64. Whenever i have a problem, I just sing, Then i realize my voice is worse than my problem.
65. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
66. Women should not have children after 20. Really… 20 children are enough.
67. That awkward moment when you realize that ‘Deleting History’ is more important than ‘Creating History’ nowadays.
68. If you can’t Change a Girl…..Change the Girl.
69. When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…
70. I think my iPhone is not working. I pressed the home button and I’m still at school.
71. I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice.
72. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
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73. Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
74. We all have that one skinny friend that eats more than fat person.
75. Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don’t have one, it’s probably you.
76. life is short…smile while you still have teeth.
77. Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?
78. When a woman says WHAT? Its not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.
79. How do people write an auto biography? I can barley remember what I had for lunch yesterday.
80. Dear Google, Please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will you please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.
81. A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
82. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
83. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
84. Seeing a spider is nothing. The problem is when it disappears.
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85. I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button
86. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
87. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
88. You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
89. I’ve been using Google for 10 years and I have no idea who uses the “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
90. I want to change my name on Facebook to “No One,” so when I try to add people, it will say, “No One wants to be your friend.”
91. Reason why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. I don’t have a girlfriend.
92. Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.
93. I find it so inspiring to watch people lazier then me. I still have much to learn.
94. There’s no such thing as addiction, there’s only things that you enjoy doing more than life
95. Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
96. I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice.
97. She is so fake that she should have two facebook accounts; one for each face!
98. Dear MATH, stop asking to find your X, she’s not coming back.
99. I’m not lazy, I’m just on my energy saving mode.
100. I look at people sometimes and think… Really? That’s the sperm that won.